Holy Train Wreck!

Being 2500 miles away from the majority of my family can be hard at times, the hardest being everything you miss out on. So when the circus travels, I am the first inline to buy tickets.


This weekend was the Benson Family Three Ring Circus and it hit Virginia. Saturday marked my baby cousin Rachael's graduation from Liberty University. Out of the woodwork crawled her brother, Mom, Dad, her maternal grandparents and uncles. On the other side was the Grand Matriarch herself..Goose and the first lady..Aunt Kathy.

So Friday night I drove down to meet the clan. Only in my haste I remembered my toothbrush (two points) but forgot all make-up. Thankfully Goose and KB parked their RV in front of a 24 hour Walmart. Shut-up nugh-ugh right? For any atheists in the group I've got you some evidence of the divine right here. Divine sense of humor. Haven't rocked the Cover Girl in about 10 years, and after a re-acquaintance I won't be making any plans to switch back. But in a pinch...it was better than chalk and moisturizer.



The next morning we thought we'd get a leg up on the parking competition by pulling into the parking lot at 7 am. Wait for it....still in our pajamas. While grads were channeling their best grown up look - the three of us were re-enacting the walk of shame - complete with smeared mascara, one with a cane. 'No Shame' It's genetic.


After the two hour Jesus Sing -along and the pro-life/anti evolution rantings of the Clear-Eyes King - (I half expected Ben Stein to break out in a little diddy)we finally celebrated the accomplishments of Rae.


Sneaking out of town it was off to the Train Depot - all 15 of us - for some hamburgers, homemade Strawberry cake, and diet coke. Goose and I snuck off to get with Jesus and the 5 Catholics in Lynchburg and back to dinner. It was at the other train depot and again we had some burgers and I again depleted the restaurants supply of diet coke as I mourned the loss of the Caps.


Side note - while we were celebrating Rabie - Wanda Sykes was getting her comedy on with POTUS, FLOTUS, and the rest of Team Crack the Whip at the White House Correspondents Dinner. In total appropriateness Tommy was corresponding via text on just how many times I would need to change my pants, if only I were there. Whew - thank goodness my family saved me from such an embarrassing and costly evening!

Well I had no problem taking my single use knickers back with Goose and KB for another night in the Bounder!



Day 3: Rolling out like the storm chasers in Twister, complete with motor home, our caravan charted our course through history. Sounds gallant - Alma check your battery.



First stop on the tour: Appomattox - the historic location where the country reunited by the north and south signing a truce, ending the civil war. [insert bugle noise here] Still on my first cup of coffee all I could think was - once you've seen one dark, musty, old house - you've seen them all. Please I live a mile from Alexandria, Va. Throw a ghost in there and I'd go TMZ on their asses but I was content taking Maggie (goose's dog) out for her poop.



Then it was back in the car for Williamburg. My skin hasn't seen sun since Gore invented the internet so I rocked the sunroof open and drove to the beat of my own....ipod. Side effects included a royal burn and a sore neck.


We made it to Colonial Williams burg just 2 hours before they buttoned the hatches so we threw goose on an authentic Colonial carriage ride (aka the kneeling shuttle bus) and whizzed her through the Governor's mansion. Happy Mother's Day! Not in the most attentive of moods, I am impressed I was able to focus so intently....on our tour guide's mustache. Good thing she lectured with her eyes shut or else I'm afraid she may have found me creepy.


Completely oversaturated with family, history, and caffeine, Goose vetoed the Kings Tavern with the rest of the clan. I couldn't have signed that bill fast enough as we hit up Pete's - a hole-in-the-wall college hangout - for some pizza. Not gonna lie - delicious. (Warning - that may have been the diet coke talking.) Full of grease and asperteme Grant and I took to the 95 ....in silence....shocker right?