Thursday, February 25, 2010

When You Don't Have Tim The Toolman Taylor To Blame

Linds and I have been talking about putting shelves up in the living room FOREVER now. So while on an errand from my brother (he's in San Diego mind you) I ventured into the IKEA neighborhood and figured I would just pick up the shelves and get the ball rolling.

Well the shelves sat in the living room for three weeks - staring us down. I blinked first and decided to trap linds into helping me hang them. Studying for law school demands distractions, right?

Well after an hour of research on how to find a stud (not that kind ...this time) we went for it - screw drivers a-flailing and sure enough - we found a sturdy stud. Now the nature of these shelves requires you mount the first bracket - slide the shelf into the bracket, slide the other end bracket on, and then mount that bracket to the wall. (Ha this really sounds like a heaving-bossom-throbbing-member paperback intro). Regardless, Linds and I figured out the first step - bracket mounted - and after an hour of agonizing - finally go to slip the shelf in - and wouldn't you know it - the shelf was two wide.

While linds is howling - I try to make my case - "but IKEA put the shelves and the brackets next to each other in the display aisle." "Did you think to measure? You didn't even look at the boxes did you?," she presses through belly laughs. I try once more to pass the blame with no avail. "We effed this in a serious way," she tells me.

No matter - we now have a very prominent member hanging from our wall. I came home to this sticky note the other day: "At least it's good for something." Tom Villa's got NOTHING on us!

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Starts With 'P' -- Ends with 'UPPY'

You hear it all the time...those women with a silly little clock ticking away demanding procreation. Well if the world of science can xerox sheep - there must be a cure - a tick-enectomy or sorts. Not seeing baby Jens in the forecast. But another ticking has taken hold of apartment 1202S. Puppy-mania.

Like any infection, it sneaks up slowly and is wickedly contagious. This is a perfect opportunity to blame the parents. What started out as a childhood with Labradors quickly became the Richer Home For Wayward Strays, and over the years abused and displaced mutts slowly infiltrated our purebred palace. And we loved them. From one-eared Spencer, Schizophrenic Sparky to Anti-social Runty (we never really got around to naming her). Leaving town? Landlord bans pups? Know a neighbor who shouldn't be allowed within miles of a dog, let alone own one? Call Beth (mom) ...if she waivers...mention it to the kids. Bam - puppy chow for 4 please.

In the early DC years a puppy fix was just a plane ride away, and summers were spent home with the pack. But after graduation, money was tight and visits were fewer.  Now like proud little mommies sporting baby bumps- everyone seemed to be adopting. Tommy has Chip, Carly has Jake, Megs has Darcy. Ugh and I can't stop thinking about the little fur balls

Linds ever the rational one reminds me that 1. our hotel-esque building won't allow the 4-legged friends 2. neither of us has time for all the responsibility and 3. dog hair in your dinner parties, walks regardless of windchill, and total destruction of furniture. All valid points. But the clock - or whatever it is - ticks. And the word puppy comes into EVERY conversation. Try it - how was your day linds...oh thats know I was thinking it's time for us to get a puppy......we need to pick up more milk...and a puppy. Have you seen my keys? Oh the PUPPY must have hid them...right we don't have a puppy.

This of course facilitated by the latest read Marley and Me. (for me - not the rest of the world - my reading list is as current as Japan is to Blockbusters)

Ugh and yes - I knew the ending before I started. Even strangers in waiting rooms felt compelled to warn me. But just like adopting a dog- the unspoken but impending universal doom lurks. But the time you have leading up to that ending is priceless. So yes if that's all remember about that book is the end - sucks for you. The 200 pages leading up to the doggie funeral had me rolling on the floor - literally - in fits of laughter. Not because the writing was particularly funny - but because it was so spot on. He captured the world's worst dog -second only to every dog we ever fostered. It was like reading an account of my childhood.

But Marley had nothing on Hershey our chocolate lab. She chewed through power wires, and barbie dolls for breakfast. (So much that our Ken, Barbie's Marine Biologist husband had a "shark bite" accident in Barbie land) Jumping a 6' fence was hardly an obstacle and within weeks - she was a recognizable fugitive in the the neighborhood. Ironically, she took orders from a 4" Pomeranian and an even smaller dachshund mutt. Duncan, our yellow lab feels intensely that coffee should always be outside of your mug - and while nuzzling will give a quick nod to the bottom to facilitate the process. Damn - fooled again.

Macy - our black lab can turn knobs, open doors, rip tin foil and open cabinets - nothing is too difficult for a taste...or a full dish of people food. With the same ease she can take over a queen size bed with a mere stretch of the legs - finding myself on the floor in the morning.

Those dogs were part of the family and now I can't help but want to start my own here on the east coast. Shedding and all. Did I mention...I want a DOG!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Ain't That The Truth

Happy Friday Home Fries! Stay Tuned...Tomorrow is Chez Copa's first skiing lesson. I'm still not counting the "lesson" in Big Bear at age 8 as I spent most of it sitting on my skis or splayed out on the fake snow.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Devil Is in the Diet Coke (queue dramatic DUN DUHN DUN)

I'm Catholic - oh's out of the bag. I try to be a good one but when most of your aunts and uncles were at one time (or are still currently) and nun or priest - it's hard to measure accurately. And as a footnote - not to flip too many readers out but the Church and disagree on a few things. (Bonus points -see if you can guess which parts.)

But I am a big fan of the Lent Challenge as my grandma calls it. It's like spring cleaning, only for the mouth in my case. Yesterday, was Ash Wednesday - marking both my forehead in designer ashes but also the first day of the Lenten season. As such, it's the day you start fasting (ok - I'm not that good) or giving up something for 40 days.

This year I'm breaking up with my love, my enabling caffeine quickie in the afternoon - Diet Coke. I know lover - it is you - and me - but mostly you. You are terrible for me. And if you know me personally, I have DC (diet coke) radar - I can sniff it out of line up.  The giving up part is not what I'm worried about, the challenge is NOT replacing it with an evil caffeine twin: like Diet Dr. Pepper as one friend suggested.

The goal here is to DRINK MORE WATER or as Susan Gibbs, my friend at the Archdiocese of DC, suggested...TEA. How FORTUITOUS: her neighbors own a specialty tea shop close to work in Bethesda called Zen Tara. (calling it divine intervention for the record) You didn't hear it from me...but if you drop Susan's name you may or may not get a little discount....Let the LENT CHALLENGE BEGIN. Just ignore that 24 pack in the fridge Jen... Diet coke is for sissies....(just keep saying it, and feel free to slap my hand if you see me slipping)

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Freebie....For All You Foodies

Every year the gastro-snobs (and my personal heroes) over at Washingtonian Magazine publish their 100 best restaurants list in the DC area, and every year I whore myself out for a free photocopy from a subscriber. (Usually linds, but she canceled her subscription last year.)

So I have been looking everywhere online for a free downloadable copy - I finally just broke down, braced the 18 degree weather, and bought the issue from up the street.

Heads up Washingtonian - from the web desk - I would have paid for this content on-line and no I'm not talking your ginormous database hoakie pokie monster you've got going on on your website- I just wanted a list to print and post to my fridge - like every other year. So Linds and I can fuel our Type-A list obsession on You failed so I'm giving this away.