Tuesday, May 29, 2007

As you already know

My little syntax petpeeve....

There is nothing more patrionizing and absurd than prefacing information with "as you already know." I hate it! If I already know then why are you telling me.

More than likely you are telling me because I don't already know, hense the preface is uneccary.
What is behind that preface is "What I should already know," often accompnied with a tone of arrogance.

This attitude is completely in tote with the humble thanking of "each and every" often employed in speeches. Yet the audience is not null of common sense in that each and everyone can not be thanked on the individual exchange, thus it is absolutely obnoxious to assume that

Splendor in the Grass

Jen Richer, 630 WMAL News

Fairfax Co – The search for greener pastures may be clipped for Fairfax residents as they watch the grass grow chest high inside the medians of their thoroughfares.

With the grass growing as high as five feet in some spots, residents are putting pressure on county officials to hedge the medians. Yet the responsibility to tame the lawn lies with Virginia Department of Transportation.

“It’s really unacceptable; it not only looks bad, but it’s also dangerous.” Gerald E. Connolly (D), chairman of the Fairfax County Board of Supervisors, told 630 WMAL News.

Wedged in the middle of budget crises, VDOT has curbed the maintenance to three times a year to conserve funds. “In the past two years or so, VDOT has been limited the amount of money it has available for maintenance.” Connolly explained.

Many residents are voicing their concern that the county then should step up to the landscaping responsibility.

Gearing up for reelection this fall, Connolly agrees that “something has to be done,” as he has initiated discussions with VDOT, headquartered in Richmond, Va. to resolve the unruly blades.

But when asked if the county should take over the task, Connolly noted, “I suppose the responsibility could be shifted, but again that is a question of money.”

He went on to say, “When it is a state responsibility, let’s make sure the state goes after that responsibility. We already send a lot of money to Richmond.”

But if the lawn is not clipped by September, it may be dangerous for the politicians as well, if the voters are unable to see the campaign posters.

Friday, May 25, 2007

To The Graduates!

This Month has provided cause for celebration for two of my closest friends. Both Aly and Mandy celebrated their graduations.

Some advice -ish from the truthsayer Aaron Karo

-Congratulations, Class of 2007, you're about to get your college degrees! It's been two years since I last offered words of wisdom to our nation's graduating seniors (sorry, Class of 2006, I kinda forgot about you guys). But, as a proud member of the Class of 2001, I now have six years of post-college experience under my belt – and I'm about to drop some knowledge. Your days of frat parties and Facebook are over, and your days of martinis and MySpace are just beginning. Here's what you need to know.

-No matter what amount per month you were originally planning to spend on rent, any apartment you actually like will always cost $200 more than that

-No one in the "real world" has any clue what they're talking about. Seriously, about 99.9% of people are talking completely out of their asses at all times. The successful ones are those that just fake it better than others.

-The more hours your friends work, the more they'll lie about how much they love their job.

-Twenty-two-year-old girls and twenty-eight-year-old guys are roughly equivalent in maturity level.

-A college degree doesn't carry as many expectations as it used to. For example, Bank of America's CampusEdge Checking program offers free checking while you're a student for five years – ostensibly implying that most of us are too fucking stupid to graduate in four.

-It turns out that attempting to cleanse ping-pong balls by repeatedly dipping them into the same cup of tepid water is not hygienic.

-If you plan to rage during the week like you used to in college, try to remember that the people partying alongside you now are actors, comedians, and the unemployed. They don't have to get up in the morning. You'll be the one vomiting in the office bathroom then trying to play it off to your boss by saying, "I'm fine… must have had a bad spreadsheet or something."

-No matter how old you are, if you're at a party and two of your friends start hooking up in another room, knocking on the door and/or listening in are both always completely acceptable.

-I believe that the transition from college to actual society takes about a year. The first six months are the hardest, at least until you stop thinking your roommate is playing a prank on you every morning when your alarm goes off at 7am for work. The second six months, you start to get your bearings – you figure out how often you can realistically rage and become resigned to the fact that, in the real world, your monthly cable and Internet bill will always cost way more than seems reasonable. And by the time the class above you graduates, and you realize in talking with them how much you've learned over the past year, that's when the transition is officially complete. So, Class of 2007, the clock is ticking. Your one-year grace period is about to begin. Be dumb. Waste money. Get drunk. Slack off. Have fun. All the graduates that came before you are watching. Make us proud.

-First show of the summer! I'm performing this Thursday in Los Angeles. Click here for details.

-As always, here are some random things I've been ruminating about lately…

-How come on TV when the character wants to conceal a gun, he always either puts it down the back of his pants or down the front of his pants? I'm no Jack Bauer, but those two spots definitely make my list of "Last places I would ever put a gun."

-Also, do you think that when a show requires there to be pictures of one of the characters when they're younger, they use actual baby pictures of the actor? Can you imagine showing up at your parents' house like, "Maaaaa, where's my Bar Mitzvah album? In the next episode of 'Heroes' they need a picture of me when I'm thirteen. Don't worry Mom, I'll bring it back."?

-I've noticed lately that on TV they'll not only bleep out a curse word, but also blur out the person's mouth who's saying it. Though when the gun that the character is carrying in his pants accidentally goes off, I can pretty much deduce what he's screaming anyway.

-At the same time that censorship of TV shows is growing, it seems as if TV commercials can pretty much say whatever the hell they want. Some of my favorites: the Puffs commercial that claims their tissues have a "magical layer" (misleading); the Glad commercial that shows plastic bags dropping from the ceiling in an airplane instead of oxygen masks (unsafe); the Coors Light commercial that shows track and field superstar Michael Johnson racing to a bar to hit on chicks (inappropriate); the commercial for Southern California casino Pechanga that shows a guy stuck in traffic daydreaming and then being served a cocktail while driving (illegal); and, probably my favorite, the commercial for car-buying web site Vehix.com where a bunch of teenagers stop at a light, get out of the car while it's still running, do a Chinese fire drill, get back in, then make a left into the intersection without even signaling (just plain ridiculous).
-At this point, most college seniors have been through rounds of job interviews that often feature brain teasers about hypothetical situations that are meant to test critical thinking. To me, there's only one brain teaser that counts: if the cops or the administration are about to discover your fraternity hazing its pledges – who are half-naked and covered in dog food – what to do you do? Think about it… Answer: Tell every brother present to quickly get half-naked and cover themselves in dog food, too. Then you can pass the festivities off as a house-wide event and not hazing. Foolproof, right? And to think I only had four years of CampusEdge Checking.
-And, finally, this is also the time of year for grad school graduation. For business students, it is a bittersweet time, as two years of sitting on their asses doing jack shit is coming to a close. For law students, it is more of an exciting time, as three years of torture have hopefully resulted in a high-paying job (and usually the first real job they've ever had). And for med students, four years of being shit on and crushed with debt gives way to, well, four more years of pretty much the same thing. But the difference between college graduates and grad school graduates is that the latter don't get a grace period. If you're an MBA, you should know how much rent and cable is gonna run you. If you're a JD, you should know that showing up half-drunk and vomiting in the office could get you disbarred. And if you're an MD, you should know that dipping ping-pong balls into a cup of tepid water is not hygienic (though you probably shouldn't be playing beirut anyway). Then again, what do I know? After all, 99.9% of people in the world talk completely out of their asses – I could just be faking it. Fuck me.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

As we gear up for a tribute to American Soldiers - and an excuse to kick back, bar-b-que and guzzle beer remember to sleep safely! I love it!

W.Va. man sleeps through gunshot to head, notices blood when he wakes

HUNTINGTON, W.Va. - Michael Lusher apparently is a sound sleeper.

A small-caliber bullet struck the 37-year-old Huntington man in the head as he slept Sunday morning, but he didn't realize it until he awoke nearly four hours later and noticed blood coming from his head, said Cpl. R.H. McQuaid of the Cabell County Sheriff's Department.

The bullet that struck him was one of five that someone sprayed across his mobile home and truck in Huntington's Altizer neighborhood at about 4:20 a.m.

Sunday, McQuaid said. The one the struck Lusher apparently lost velocity as it traveled through two walls."We're just glad he didn't suffer any life-threatening injuries with a head wound, " he said.Lusher came home from a night on the town about an hour before he was shot while lying in bed, McQuaid said.

It's in the stars

Its a guilty pleasure, I know! But how can you resist the allure of an astrological expert!

I love horoscopes! There it is - stick that in your box and shake it!

In my self absorbed sensibility I was under the impression that regardless of your faith in their advisories, we all still indulge in a little harmless generalized speculation.

So it surprised me when I found an ardent opposer.

My personal favorite: Susan Miller

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

A True San Diegan

With all-star, knock-it-out-of-the-park talent like Tony Gwynn, he could have played anywhere. He started, played, and ended his baseball career for the Padres.
Last week, he was inducted into the Hall of Fame. Today, Tony coaches the Aztecs at San Diego State!
It's cliche, but if you look up San Diegan in the dictionary, you will see this photo. (Or my dad!)

The Jolly Green Giant

Monday, May 21, 2007

Good to the Last Drop

Ode to the Java Gods-
But this was off a coffee cup near the roses left for the Virginia Tech victems carries a little more punch.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Road Warrior Disguised as Blonde

During a very exciting week of introducing a new hire to the majestic nations capital, I apparently also exercised his nerves as he rode shot-gun on a trip up to the boss's for dinner. Firmly believing that I was simply driving defensively I was hardly affected. His face, having underwent four shades of blue and his knuckle prints permanently imprinted into the arm rest suggested otherwise.

A few weeks ago, AutoVantage compiled a list of the country's most aggressive driving cities. Having grown up in Southern California, I am naturally an assertive driver, shall we say. However, four years of being car-less while studying in DC I, as well as my backseat commandos, would hope have down-shifted my lead foot crusades, but according this ranking, it was just a California-roll-stop before commuting with the fifth least friendly road warriors.

The Breakdown:
1. Miami 2. New York 3. Boston 4. Los Angeles 5. Washington, D.C. 6. Phoenix 7. Chicago 8. Sacramento, Calif. 9. Philadelphia 10. San Francisco 11. Houston 12. Atlanta 13. Detroit 14. Minneapolis-St. Paul 15. Baltimore 16. Tampa, Fla. 17. San Diego 18. Cincinnati 19. Cleveland 20. Denver 21. Dallas-Ft. Worth 22. St. Louis 23. Seattle-Tacoma 24. Pittsburgh 25. Portland, Ore.

What is your biggest driving pet-peeve?

Two words: Blinker Action.

All you have to do is give me a heads up before heading into my lane. I take it personally. I earned my lane position, if you want to Bogart my lane, flip the lever, or you may find me flipping something equally as courteous.

Traffic Round-up :

Trademark - I often find myself the victim of poor lane choices, usually about four lanes away from my on ramp. Solution: No need to miss the exit, simply enact the four part precision:

1. Blinker,

2. Eye contact and an oops-face

3. wave, as I

4. Glide over the gap.
Works like a charm every time! (It helps if your female but give it a try!)

Thoughts from the road,
(the Jetta)

Friday, May 11, 2007

It takes a Village.....

Happy Mothers Day.........

To all my Mommies!

Mommie Granny Goose

Eileen Aunti Jo

And just for kicks!


In the grand scheme of things, commencement is nothing more than nostalgia and cold sweats while we all conjure those chummy recollections of your college core and sweating out the night befores booze while your family sits glowing (or in my case, whining) about their graduates achievements espoused collectively through the invigorating speeches of peers, summed up by the powerful charge of a nonsense, spoken by a representative of some moderate success.

In exchange walk off stage with a degree of higher privalage tucked under thier arm, return the borrowed robes and continue on with their Sunday activites, earning in the 30 minutes of their poetic hopeful ramblings pe what you have spent 4 + years and a minimum of $160 dollars on (Thank you GW). Ergo one would hope that person invited to speak on the behalf of your future was at minimum stimulating, if not down right motivating, at least enough to get you through the next 3 months of the "exciting" transition period ensuing immiadiatly post graduation.

While Howard University was lucky enough to hear the diatribe of the Harpo Goddess, Oprah, St. Vincent College (I haven't heard of it either) landed the big eagle.

President Giving Commencement Address

(Latrobe, PA) -- President Bush will be in Latrobe, Pennsylvania today to give the commencement address at St. Vincent College.

The President's visit has been met with protests by many groups, including several members of the St. Vincent faculty.

The group of faculty members do not approve of their employer's decision to have Bush speak.

The faculty members are critical of the President's policy in Iraq.

President Bush was invited by the Saint Vincent's President Jim Towey, who was the director of the Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives from 2002 until April of 2006.

Copyright 2007 Metro Networks Communications Inc., A Westwood One Company

Now would his honorary degree be considered social promotion or a campaign contribution?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

If you're going to do it - do it big!

In the explosion of self expression, it seems as though everyone is looking to go bigger and better in the hopes of breaking through the clutter of competing voices. Some do it through blogging ;-), fanatical banner waving, even down to the art of a business card(especially in DC). While these guestures grow grander, some successess have been made in beating the system. Ironically, it was not the size or intricacy but the simplicity of color as the conduit for bold expression on a transparent medium - glass.

I don't know if something can be too colorful. Color is one of the great properties of glass and is more intense in glass than any other material. Imagine entering Chartres Cathedral and looking up at the Rose Window: you can see a one-inch square of ruby red glass from 300 feet away.

-- Dale Chihuly, Artist and glassblower.

A very good Friend of mine introduced me to Dale Chihuly's art. For those of you are not familiar with the master of glass-blown sculptures, he is responsible for the explosion of color in the Bellagio's Foyer and the Chandelier at London's V & A Museum. (Left) But as Chihuly indicated accurately, Chartres is a perfect example of signature color, so much so that the color Chartres Blue, originating from the cathedrals stained glass designs, is exclusive only to those glass designs. With all the impressive technology dedicated to art preservation and research, scientists have yet to replicate that exact color. Maybe glass expression isn't so transparent after all!

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

As per usual I have gotten ahead of myself. In an effort to get this up and running I will forward myself wonderful little tidbits with the intention to get my post on. The result is a gmail account brimming with virtual news clips and no posts.

From the history (and process) of making baby carrots (they aren't really baby, just so you don't have to wonder) to personal flip flop wars .

My roommate and I share this bizarre curiosity in the simple things in life, often filling each other's inboxes with seeming nonsense. I attribute it to under-stimulation post-college. Thank god there are other bloggers to fuel this fire of jibberish!

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Just Getting Warmed up

So it's official - I am stepping it up and starting a blog! At the request of my ever patient outbox recipients; I will start posting my brain farts. But how can you resist, I start my morning three hours before the sun and at least 5 before the rest of civilization. With this jumpstart I surf the blogsphere in search of real news for my colleagues but find tantalizing kickers to go with my coffee. Rather than keep them to myself I commence my am inbox rapid-fire -usually including nothing more than a link and kitschy subject line. So it occurred to me, I should probably develop these caffeinated epiphanies.

My main excuse for not commencing my digital tale was time. But I realized on one of my daily surf sets, I often find respite and satirical wit on my aunt Steph's blog. As a lawyer in Santa Ana with three children and a libertarian husband, she manages to get her point in and wrap an issue in logic in under 20 lines. If she can do it, so can I. So here marks my narcissistic editorial journey. (Plus I really need to lighten my inbox with all those really great articles I have sent myself over the past month.)