Elmore Leonard, Still Delighting Readers – and Interviewers

My good friend and 630 WMAL's morning anchor, Bill Thompson, has been interviewing authors in his spare time for over twenty six years. Teaching himself how to code websites, along the way he created EYEONBOOKS, a resource dedicated to housing this vast pool of these one-on-ones.

Well for the first time ever, he let me take the reins and posted an interview I did with Elmore Leonard. So making me EYEONBOOKS debut:

Elmore Leonard, Still Delighting Readers – and Interviewers

Hurricane Earl

This is why I come to work, so I can make this happen!

Preaching To The Choir

Our new super news girl Amanda at WMAL forwarded me this snapshot of life on the Vampire shift in a newsroom. TVnewsgrapevine hit the nail on the head. We certainly are a special breed!

Morning shows: The Vampire Diaries

Recently a client was being considered for a morning show. This person had never worked the morning show and asked what it was like.

So, for those of you who have never worked the vampire shift and might run into this situation, I thought I'd give you a taste of what life is like as a nocturnal creature.

Being a night person, I always dreaded filling in on the morning show. At one point in my career we were shorthanded, and I had to do it for two months. After that I vowed I would never, ever consider a job as a morning anchor or reporter. (By the way, those of you who are offered morning reporter jobs should know that you'll NEVER get to do a good package. You'll just chase the scanner all night and do follow-ups. It may be the worst reporting gig in all of television.)

Anyway, here's a typical week:

-Monday thru Friday: The alarm goes off around two or three in the morning. If you have a significant other, this person gets a rude awakening, mutters something unintelligible, and goes back to sleep.

You stagger off to the bathroom and hope a shower wakes you up. (If you're a guy, you discover that trying to shave with one eye open leaves you looking as though you've gone ten rounds with an angry cat, so you start shaving before you go to bed.)

After getting dressed, you drink coffee and try to decide if you should eat breakfast. You really don't want breakfast, but you think you'd better eat something or you'll run out of gas by the time the newscast starts. (Thus the "morning show weight gain syndrome" begins.)

You chase the raccoons away from your car and head to the station. Oh, if you live in a cold climate, you'll have to either shovel the driveway (you don't dare crank up the snow blower and wake the neighbors), scrape your windshield, or both. What fun!

You notice birds are flying around in the middle of the night. Oh, wait. Those are bats. You wave at them. Professional courtesy.

After arriving at the station you discover your muse doesn't work nights and you try to write intelligent copy as you drink more coffee. Your co-anchor checks your copy and informs you that Reagan is no longer the President and is dead, to boot. If you're a weather person, you try to remember what state you're living in and note that all your weather cam shots are pitch dark. You start to get hungry again... didn't you already have breakfast? Or is there another name for meals eaten at three in the morning?

You notice you have put on two different colored socks, your shoes don't match, or both.

After the newscast you have to deal with those pesky cut-ins for a few hours. Staffers start to drift in, looking refreshed after a good night's sleep.

After cut-ins you're hungry again, so you eat breakfast for the second time. And if you work for one of those stations still crazy enough to run a noon show, you have to prepare another newscast so you drink more coffee.

So maybe you're home by one in the afternoon. You're dog tired, but do you take a nap now? You curse the fact that you don't have dark curtains. And if you take a nap, you might not be able to go to bed by seven and end up staring at the ceiling till eleven and getting three hours sleep. Your option is to fight to stay awake all day. Oh, yeah, it's time to eat again.

Around six your other half arrives home and is ready to eat dinner. This is now your fourth or fifth meal of the day.

Now you have to go to bed at seven. Nice social life, huh? You turn in, but you've still got too much caffeine in your system even though you're exhausted. You toss and turn till nine.

Saturday: You relish the thought of "sleeping in" but your body clock is so screwed up you wake up at five. Your other half mutters something unintelligible and goes back to sleep. Hmmmm. Time for breakfast.

Your other half sleeps in and gets up at 9, wanting to go out to breakfast. What the heck, you eat breakfast again.

If you're a guy you decide to play golf with some friends, as you need sunshine. By the third hole you need a nap and are so out of it you use your putter to tee off.

Then it's Saturday night, so it's time to go out with your other half and friends. You start yawning at seven o'clock and fall asleep in the movie theater during the coming attractions.

Sunday: Ah, now you've got this "sleeping in" stuff down cold. You wake up at a quarter to six! Your other half mutters something unintelligible and goes back to sleep. You eat breakfast for the 14th time this week.

Sunday afternoon you start to feel normal. You enjoy Sunday dinner... or is it lunch?

Late Sunday afternoon fear hits you in the face like a cold bucket of water. You have to fall asleep soon! But your body clock is messed up again! You go to bed at seven. You finally fall asleep by nine and get about five hours of sleep. Except when your other half crawls into bed at ten and wakes you up. You mutter something unintelligible and stare at the ceiling for thirty minutes trying to fall asleep again.

One Month Later: You're now eating 22 breakfasts each week and have a box of Count Chocula stashed under the anchor desk for times you need a sugar rush. As you put on a pair of pants, the button gives way, ricochets off the mirror and hits you in the face. You'll shoot your eye out, kid!


There are those who love morning shows, and more power to them. They always argue that "you can get things done during the day!" (That's right, they think grocery stores are not open after six.) So people on a normal shift might actually have to shop until seven. The horror!

But if you aren't a morning person, think long and hard before even considering a shift like this. Your life will be dominated by the thought of going to sleep. You'll have absolutely no social life. Your friends will stop calling because they don't want to wake you up. You'll age two years in six months.

But you will discover the incredible number of choices in the cereal aisle.

FLOOD HITS MY FLAVIA MACHINE

Oh the horror!

Yesterday's Typhoon took out our kitchen...blocking the flavia and Tassimo machine!  Chilli got it with her flip cam!

Real Housewife Dishes on "Real Housewives"

DC is finally getting the respect it deserves with it's relatively new cool factor. But with cool comes celebrity, wannabees and a petri dish for both.... reality shows.

Last year it was Real World and Blonde Charity Mafia. This year it's Top Chef and the show all us Bravo addicts have been waiting for Real Housewives.

This season has already stole headlines with our own special, highly developed, local breed of gatecrashers...the Salahis.

A bona fide Real Housewife herself, (you'll notice the only cameras following her around are legitimate media) Carol Joynt, former owner of Nathan's in Georgetown and host of Q &  A cafe, sat down with the couple to get their side of White House crash. Yesterday, rather than waking up to our morning show here at 630 WMAL, she stopped by to recap for us.

Put Your Thanks Where Your Mouth Is!

The idea is simple - to honor, remember, recognize and above all - appreciate our service members. There is nothing political about that. I don't care what your stand on the war is. These are our people. My step-brother Jeff just got home over the weekend from his 15th trip to the middle east, it was his 12th time in Iraq.

For 11 years a small but determined group of volunteers in San Diego sought more than just three-day weekends, that often celebrate no more than vacation time. They demanded a month of recognition for our troops…… and in 1999 The United States Senate designated May as National Military Appreciation Month. This is the second year we at the station have participated in that effort.

Sam and I created this video to continue that mission, to remember those who have served and to honor those who continue to protect us. Please pass it on.

You Read This Sh**?!?!

Before I launch into the whirlwind chaos that is family time,  I have to throw a shout out. Apparently someone reads this Wahine nonsense, someone other than me on the occasional spell check read through (operative word here being occasional) I know this because I am now getting dysfunctional love/hate mail..and not just from Megs anymore. So I'm back on the Wahine. Merry Christmas. Not that it would help but I do have a very good excuse.

I used to at the station during normal human hours...8 ish to 6 ish. Than an opportunity opened for my old shift schedule having me at work by 4:30 am, yes that's am, and I jumped on it. I am one in 100,000 people who love being up before the God herself. Still intend on doing the family tree...but I know this much there's some farmer blood somewhere...just look at these shoulders..linebackers weep at their awesomeness.

So with the new schedule and a few new responsibilities on the plate at work, plus the holidays (and I know you all know what a headache that can be), and all the orchestration that takes, my usual 4 hours sleep schedule evaporated. In the words of 2009 - cuts had to be made and the Wahine has been dieting.  Time to plump her back up. She is a bodacious babe after all.

In the three days I've been home I've had 4 people come up and ask if I was ok. Dear Doc - no need to check the vitals - can you just run a diagnostic on the blog and save us both an hour?  I'm great ya'll and had I known you were voluntarily reading these shenanigans - I would have set the alarm an hour earlier for you. Megs- you win. And the rest of yous...thank you. This one's for you.  I will figure it back into the routine. Love Jen. Now on to the adventure that is my pilgrimage west.

Reporting From Snowpocolypse

Just to give you an idea of what we're messing with today....

Tea Parties and House Calls

From yesterday's Tax Tea Party yesterday:

WASHINGTON (AP) - Chanting "Kill the bill," thousands of conservatives incensed over the Democrats' health care overhaul protested at the Capitol on Thursday, arguing that the legislation amounts to a government takeover of the nation's medical system. The crowd, invited on national television by Rep. Michele Bachmann, R-Minn., was staunchly anti-government - "Politicians lie, people die," read one sign - but loudly cheered the House Republicans who hosted the event. The protest attracted many of the so-called Tea Party demonstrators angry with increased spending and an expanded government role under the Obama administration.

"This bill is the greatest threat to freedom that I have seen," House Republican leader John Boehner of Ohio told the crowd. "We're not going to leave this Hill until we kill this bill," declared Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa.
That's highly unlikely. House Democrats hope to pass the sweeping legislation on Saturday, buoyed by endorsements on Thursday from the American Medical Association and the AARP, the powerful seniors lobby. President Barack Obama makes a final appeal to Democrats during a rare visit to the Capitol Friday.
Republican leaders controlled their event, focusing on what they said were the flaws in the Democratic bill, as they distanced themselves from Bachmann's invitation. On Oct. 30, she invited viewers of Fox News to Washington to roam House office buildings and confront lawmakers.

"I'd love to have every one of your viewers join me so that we can go up and down through the halls," Bachmann said. "Find members of Congress, look at the whites of their eyes and say, 'Don't take away my health care."' Republicans have offered a slimmed-down health care bill that focuses on reducing costs rather than increasing coverage for millions of uninsured Americans. At the rally on the West Front of the Capitol, they mocked the 1,990-page Democratic bill, bound in a gold cord, on the corner of the lectern. It was so heavy, at one point it thunked to the ground.

The crowd, including many older Americans, carried placards that ranged from pithy - "Free health care isn't free" - to harsh. "Ken-ya Trust Obama?" said one, referencing the president's African roots and claims by some that he wasn't born in the United States. One protester carried a sign reading, "Bury Obamacare with Kennedy," a reference to Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., who died of brain cancer this past summer.
The demonstrators came to Washington by plane, bus and other means to send a message to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., as they press ahead with health care legislation.

"It's upsetting because of where we've come from to where we are today, to see our freedom eroding," said Ben Fourman, 72, of Farmingdale, N.J. The retiree wore a T-shirt that said, "Liberty equals limited government." Actors Jon Voight and John Radcliffe, who played Cliff on the comedy series "Cheers," attended but the real star was Bachmann. "We want Michele! We want Michele," the crowd chanted as she took the microphone.

Bachmann, a favorite of conservatives for her colorful rhetoric, issued a reality check about the bill's outsized chances of passing. But she added a dash of optimism gleaned from Republican victories on Election Day.
"Kill the bill! Kill the bill!" the crowd chanted. "Yes, that's exactly what you're going to tell them," said Bachmann. Capitol Police arrested a dozen anti-abortion protesters in the hall outside Pelosi's office in the Cannon House Office Building.

Elsewhere, Siler City, N.C., resident Paul Kaufman and nine family members stopped by the offices of Reps. Mel Watt, D-N.C., and Walter Jones, R-N.C. "I feel like I'm defending my freedom. I'm defending my rights," Kaufman said, adding that he identified with a sign he saw at the rally that said "I love my country, but I'm afraid of my government."

On the Mark

Mark, my co-worker sent this to me....THANKS!

Four Things That Make Women Unapproachable:  Dying for the guy at the end of the bar to talk to you? Men shared the surprising reasons they stay away.
By Diana Vilibert

Sometimes it seems like no amount of silent prayer or aggressive cleavage will get that cute stranger to take a hint and chat you up. Could you be scaring away men before they even approach you? We asked the male members of Marie Claire Ask & Answer—Marie Claire's online Q&A community for dating, sex, and relationship advice—what female behavior makes them scared to go in for the kill.

You Look Pissed
Hey, perma-scowl: swap the pouty lips for a genuine, friendly smile and your eye candy for the night will be more likely to approach you. The majority of Answerology men agreed that an unfriendly facial expression will keep them from approaching you, so flash those pearly whites at the guy you've been eyeing!

You’re Not Locking Eyes
What's harder than approaching a stranger? Approaching a stranger who hasn't acknowledged your existence with even a brief look. "I need to see, by her looking and smilling at me, that she wants me to approach her. If I don't see it, I don't approach," says Anonymous. So next time you think he catches you looking at him, don't look away—hold your stare for a few seconds so he knows you're looking—and that you like what you see.

You’re Too Flirtatious
A chip on your shoulder is a turnoff to any guy waiting to make his approach—but so is the other extreme. istillhatescreennames is put off when women cross the line from friendly to flirty...with everyone they see. "If she's flirting with lots of guys. Nothing like a woman who is basically telling everyone in the place that she's open for business with anyone," he says. "Flirting with everyone" would put him off, agrees Anonymous, adding another pet peeve: "Grinding out on the dance floor (yeah its fun to look at but I like to look at strippers too...but I wouldn't take any home to meet my mom)." Sure, he’ll notice you if you’re the loudest, most aggressive girl in the room—but not in a good way.

You’re Surrounded by Friends
Admit it—your awesome group of friends can be a little intimidating, especially when a strange guy approaches to hit on just one of you. seanc writes, "Being surrounded by more than one friend makes her less approachable because of the embarrassment of being rejected in front of more people." Make sure you're giving him the opportunity to approach you alone—check out the jukebox and linger for a bit, or offer to grab the next round of drinks for your friends.

A View From The Top

Scratch this one off the bucket list!

Is it wrong to start your bucket list at age 5? Right or wrong….I did it. I saw Top Gun and aside from that movie cementing itself into the top spot of my all time favorite movies, it also sparked my interest in aviation. I will fly a plane before I die …and hopefully live long enough to get a license for it. So when a PR woman for letsgoflying.com sprayed her press release I bit. Heck yeah! I will absolutely take you up on your offer for a free flight lesson just to see what it’s about. So my camera sidekick Sam and I jumped in the cockpit. Once you started the plane, the only usable tape we could get was b-roll – so I fired off my off-the-record questions to poor Tony Chandler, our instructor. “Ever met a pilot afraid of heights?” I asked as Sam was turning green in the backseat. But Tony was no victim – he fired right back. While I was panicking about taking over the controls – he reassured me with this little treat. “It’s not the crash that will kill you…it’s the sudden stop.” “Bet you tell all your first-timers that.” He just laughed. But after about 10 minutes I relaxed and started having fun – taking us into dips and hard turns. The actual maneuvering the plane was not the hard part – it was like learning to drive an automatic at 16. The hard part was compensating for the whole 3^rd dimension. The car goes forward and turns – the plane does that plus up and down. Sounds simple but after a few dips I can see why you need 40 hours of practice before licensing. Now to find a sponsor for my $10,000 hobby.

This Is Not Goodbye..Just A See You Soon

 Over the last couple of months, we said "see you soon" a couple of longtime WMALers as they both were offered fantastic opportunity and other radio stations. Shari and Ernie, both leaders for the sales department, made their exits out of the Jenifer Street building within a week of each other! Gonna miss you both!

Shari was my partner in crime when it comes to intimidation via heels and strait up determined flair. She is the one I stole the expression firecracker in a jar of mayonnaise from. But to me she was more than great one-liners. She is my big sister.

"Jen I love this pic of us and I LOVE YOU! Ur amazing and I'm so lucky to know you and call you "friend"! Keep the high heels clickin!! You r now the official "firecracker!" oxox" - Shari

Blindsided

As surreal as it was, this was one of those experiences that rock me. It was like watching the opening of an ER episode, only from the other side, as the accident was happening.

Lets just say, when you hear a helicopter's whopping blades, you look up. When you see a helicopter buzz by your office window, you freeze. When you recognize the chopper as a MEDEVAC, you run outside to see what the hell is going on.

Ernie from sales saw the whole accident. As he describes it, "a cock-rocket went screaming through the intersection at 80 miles an hour. When it came time to make the turn, the bike held course...right into the wall [of the shopping center]. All I heard was a boom and I saw bike parts flying from behind the tree."

By the time I was able to make it away from the desk the chopper landed in a a nearby parking lot, riddled with street lamps and Metro drivers. Apparently the cyclist was an off duty Metro employee. Seeing as how the station is across the street, that makes perfect sense.

EMT's worked on the victim for 30 minutes inside a nearby ambulance before finally transporting him to the MEDEVAC. Although the chopper was just yards from the truck, they cracked CPR on him at least twice en route. Literally, they were still pumping his chest as they were closing the door.

Like a ship, our office building must have tilted briefly as we all leaned against the windows breathlessly watching. The gurney they ferried him over on went flying under the blades' wind. The chopper strained as it navigated the street lamps before finally lifting off to the hospital.

Now, I've been lifted from a hairy drop in the Grand Canyon, but in a much smaller copter. This was painful to watch, obviously because we are all rooting for the guy; but also because for a second, it didn't look like the MEDEVAC was going to lift without taking a street lamp with it. From Ernies office the four guys and I watched crouched behind the desk. Meanwhile, the ladies in the next office over where still suctioned-cupped to the glass. Not reading too much into that....

Here it is an hour later and I have just gotten off the phone with Allen Etter, Battalion Chief for DC Fire, and according to him, the driver died.

Everyone on the floor is still completely unnerved. Here he was just getting off work, heading home I'd imagine. Probably just bought that motorcycle this spring, for the awesome weather we've been having.

And his mom is getting a phone call right now. She is going to need to cancel her plans today and head to the hospital. Not to rush to her son's side to help with his recovery; they are going to need her to identify her son, as best she can after an accident like that. She will be blindsided, just as he was, just as we were.


This just hit the wire:

WASHINGTON (AP) - A man who apparently lost control of his speeding motorcycle has died after crashing into the parking garage of a shopping center in Washington's Friendship Heights neighborhood.
D.C. fire department spokesman Alan Etter says the motorcyclist crashed shortly after 10 a.m. Tuesday behind the Neiman Marcus store. He says the driver apparently veered into the shopping center's parking garage and crashed into a wall.
Etter says the motorcycle was destroyed, and witnesses in the area were horrified. At least one woman was treated with oxygen after seeing the crash. There were no other injuries, and no other vehicles were involved. Authorities have not released the man's name.

(Copyright 2009 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Public Service Announcement

This is the video we were working on here at the station in honor of National Military Appreciation Month. It came out splendidly. Well done Oliver. Megs....go home and watch this..it's that good.

Nothing Like Tea for Taxes

As the nation files in line at post offices across the country to drop in their returns before the deadline, some conservatism are protesting their hard earned tax dollars being funneled into the bailout plan.

These protests are hosted in the form on Tea Parties reminiscent of the Colonial ones in Boston. Only rather than dump cases of tea into the Potomac, they are delivering Tea Bags to the White House and Congress.

We took the Explorer down to cover the Rally. Forgoing the umbrella’s we hit the pavement.
I found it interesting between all the super networks that sent reporters down, none of them crossed the street into Lafayette Park to interview the protesters.

How do you get the story without interviewing those involved? We took advantage of the camera opportunity and parked the explorer right behind the reporter.

Sad Day In ConAir Land

FROM TOMMY'S PHONE:

SPECIAL BULLETEN: JEN RICHER FOUND A GRAY HAIR...

Well there you have it....I may look 12 but my hair follicles say otherwise.

Phase I: Denial
My first reaction is like any other woman's: I need a second opinion. Charlene and Tommy confirmed it.

Phase II: Pain and Guilt
Charlene pulled it (ok them) out for me

Phase III: Rage
"Now I'm going RED!"


Phase IV: Understanding
I consulted WebMD but was left wanting so I found this description. Sure it's for kids but at my ripe old age, I'll take what I can get!

Phase V: Broadcast
Thank you Wahine Report.

Tales From The Fringe

This Saturday the station team took to the mall to help fund raise for our partner Fisher House. It's an incredible organization that builds group homes for the troops and their families next to VA hospitals while they are being treated so families are free to focus on the recovery of their loved one rather than making hotel arrangements. Absolutely amazing, but I digress.

Doing these remotes, we get a wide range of fans who come to show their support for both the organization and the station. But with every bunch we get a few outliers too.
This weekend was no different. My favorite was a woman who got particularly aggressive with me over the non-existent debate over Barack Obama's citizenship.

A particular group of whack-a-doos in Pennsylvania felt compelled to bring this conspiracy theory to the supreme court, who yesterday unanimously decided not to hear the case. Now I don't often engage in these provocations but after about an hour of her in my face wagging her finger, I finally asked her...how would that be possible, where's the proof. She claimed Obamas birth certificate was a fake, so I asked her how she knew? She protested if it were real he would show it to us, so I asked if I could see hers. Not surprisingly she said no.

Apparently I wasn't the only one to encounter such an adamant theorist.

From this mornings Washington Post:

President Alien, and Other Tales From the Fringe
By Dana Milbank
Tuesday, December 9, 2008; A03

A unanimous Supreme Court announced yesterday morning that it would not take up a case making the improbable claim that Barack Obama is a secret foreigner.

A dissenting opinion came out in the afternoon.

"This is the largest hoax perpetrated against the United States in 200 years," Philip Berg declared in a news conference at the National Press Club. His colleagues delivered the further news that "Barack Obama is the most notorious criminal in the history of this planet" and that the president-elect's claim to be a natural-born American has "the potential to propel our nation into a time of great peril," a time of "widespread chaos, disturbances to public tranquillity."

Berg, a Pennsylvania lawyer and the author of another lawsuit alleging that Obama is not native-born, and therefore is not eligible to be president, sought to establish several facts. One: "He knows he was adopted in Indonesia." Two: "He was born in Kenya." Three: "His real name would be Barry Soetoro." Four: "If he didn't go through immigration, believe it or not Barack Obama would be an illegal alien today." And five: "If and when the right court handles this matter, Barack Obama" and everybody around him "should really be tried criminally and many of them should go to jail."

Uh, and what about that birth certificate showing he was born in Honolulu, a fact confirmed by the Hawaii Health Department and validated by independent groups?

"That document is a forgery, it's a fraud, just like Barack Obama is," Berg bellowed. "His birth certificate will indicate he was born in Kenya."

Ladies and gentlemen, the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy is back in business. After eight years in the wilderness, its members are regrouping to combat the Obama menace. For their sake, here's hoping they can come up with better material than they presented at yesterday's news conference.

The presentation was hosted by Bob Schulz, who runs the We the People Foundation and has run ads in the Chicago Tribune claiming that Obama -- "the usurper," as Schulz calls him -- is ineligible to be president.

Schulz allowed that the Supreme Court had just declined to hear a lawsuit on the subject, filed by Leo Donofrio of New Jersey, and that another court had declined to hear Berg's complaint because Berg had no standing. But, he argued, "there has been no responsive response" from the courts. "The implied message is the voters have spoken, the voters have determined Mr. Obama's eligibility. But this is not a democracy!"

Schulz was equipped with other pieces of hysteria, among them: "We have an emerging police state. . . . Our Republic cannot and will not long survive. . . . This nation is headed toward a vortex of a constitutional crisis."

In Schulz's view, Obama must "act honorably and relieve the nation of this escalating constitutional crisis." And if not, Schulz will call his own constitutional convention. "The people must act as the final arbiters of the Constitution," he said.

Hear that, Mr. Chief Justice?

Back here on planet Earth, the Obama birth conspiracy is not quite as dramatic as Schulz and Berg view it. FactCheck.org, for example, examined the original birth certificate and found that "it meets all of the requirements from the State Department for proving U.S. citizenship" and that "Obama was born in the U.S.A. just as he has always said."

Another such group, PolitiFact.com, concluded that "It is possible that Obama conspired his way to the precipice of the world's biggest job, involving a vast network of people and government agencies over decades of lies. Anything's possible. But step back and look at the overwhelming evidence to the contrary and your sense of what's reasonable has to take over."
Then there's the birth announcement in the Honolulu Advertiser on Aug. 13, 1961. "Of course, it's distantly possible that Obama's grandparents may have planted the announcement just in case their grandson needed to prove his U.S. citizenship in order to run for president someday," FactCheck.org judged. "We suggest that those who choose to go down that path should first equip themselves with a high-quality tinfoil hat."

Berg and Schulz did not have the recommended headgear yesterday, but they had no shortage of accusations. They blamed the "disgrace" of the news media -- even Fox News! -- for covering up the birth scandal. They called Obama an "impostor" and a "poseur."

To further make the case about Obama's Americanness, they then called up Orly Taitz, a product of the former Soviet Union, to deliver the message in thickly accented English that the American news media are "aiding and abetting Mr. Obama in defrauding 300 million American citizens."

So the media should report that Obama is a citizen of Britain, Indonesia and the United States -- a triple national? "Quadruple!" Taitz called out.

The trio then went silent while a fourth participant, a minister, delivered a prayer that justice would be done to the usurper. The pastor then advised his fellow African Americans not to be fooled into thinking "that which has come from the womb of this white woman is now your redeemer."

The news conference by now had gone on for 90 minutes and had covered all the darkest areas of Obama conspiracy, including a call to withstand the race riots that would inevitably accompany Obama's ineligibility. And in the somewhat likelier event that Obama ignores Schulz and Berg? He would, Schulz's ad argues, "be entitled to no allegiance, obedience or support from the people. The armed forces would be under no legal obligation to remain obedient."

All of which would be a terrible shame. After all, Schulz declared, "I really like the guy." He just has a strange way of showing it.

Monkey Business Meets Media

Not sure what this proves, but back in the days of Desk Assistant Jen, when I landed the first interview with Elise Gazwitz sparking a firestorm of media attention escalating the story to GMA, never once did Armani bite me. (Granted I did my interviews over the phone, but not relevant here.)   

The Reliable Source
By Amy Argetsinger and Roxanne Roberts
Tuesday, November 4, 2008; C03

Text hereWho Could've Predicted This Monkey Business?
In an explosion of campaign tension, a prominent pundit violently attacked a local reporter, sending her to the hospital two days before Election Day.
The pundit: celebrated capuchin monkey Armani, who bit a WTOP reporter at the news conference where the primate revealed his presidential pick.
Armani is best known for owner Elyse Gazewitz's long -- and successful -- legal battle to return him to her Rockville home after animal control officers, citing wild-animal regulations, seized him. Since then, he has developed a sideline in punditry, albeit with a mixed record. (He predicted Hillary Clinton and Mike Huckabee as the nominees and the Patriots to win the Super Bowl. But he successfully matched a couple for The Post's Date Lab.)
On Sunday, WTOP's Amy Held and a Fox 5 TV crew went to Gazewitz's home to see whom Armani likes in today's election. WTOP News VP Jim Farley told us that as Held reached for her mike, the monkey leapt over and bit her on the pinky, drawing blood.
Back at the office, Held's bosses insisted that she get treated. At Georgetown Hospital, doctors gave her a tetanus shot and put her on antibiotics for a week. Held, who returned to work yesterday, declined to comment. "This is the wackiest workman's comp case I've ever had to fill out forms for," Farley said.
Gazewitz offered a different account, saying Armani, perched on her shoulder, "got threatened" when Held approached with a microphone. "It was just a little nip," she said. "He's never done that before. He just didn't like her for whatever reason."
After carefully studying photos of the candidates, Armani made his pick: Barack Obama. "He's definitely a Democrat," Gazewitz said.

Aggressive Journalism

Yesterday, Senator Barbara Mikulski announced her proposal to carve out about 2 billion from the stimulus package part II for the auto industry essentially giving new car buyers a tax break to stimulate demand again.

Now getting a senator to talk to you on the phone is hard work for a small newsroom, luckily for us she was making this announcement right up the street. No surprise, but I was running late to the press conference.

After dumping the news van (explorer) off on some poor maintenance man across the street we dove in on the scene. Reporters everywhere and the senator dipping into a car all of two feet away from me. Well unlike those fancy cable teevee reporters, we have a handy cam and a short mic leash.....and no shame. I had that mic so close to the poor woman's face, you'd think she was made of chocolate.

You would have thought we were breaking Watergate the way we jumped into the story, meanwhile the lackadaisical press core jotted notes and causally changed tapes. Anywho - it got our mic flag on two local channels this am. Watch and see! Our mic flag now officially has gotten more camera time than Street Talk's Jen Richer! Harrumph!

I Don't Wanna Grow Up, Because If I Did....

Every year the Kennedy Center opens its doors to the public Millennium stage style. Every theater fills its stage with free programming for all ages, from opera to orchestra.

This year the station had a booth, but I managed to sneak away for a few performances. Snagging a co-workers daughter, I disguised my curiosity with my babysitting duties…what, I’ve never played a tuba before, and I wanted to try too!

Then we ducked into the NSO performance, geared toward elementary school students, playing tunes the crowd was familiar with. What a great way to introduce families to music and theater!