Covering Your Assets

Covering your assets with two of my favorites - hot jeans and a hot boy! Yum!

Something in the Water

If you thought the monkey lady kicker was good, these are hilarious! Only in Virginia...there must be something in the water!

First surprise: Woman driving U-Haul van slams into Culpeper home. Next surprise: She's nude
BY DONNIE JOHNSTON

She told officers she was just hurrying to get home.

That's the story the 33-year-old naked woman accused of ramming a U-Haul van into the bedroom of a South East Street house early Sunday afternoon gave Culpeper town police.

Will Green was sitting on the porch of the home he was visiting when he saw the van coming around a wide turn at what he said was a high rate of speed.

"I thought it was going to hit the neighbor's house," Green said yesterday. "I couldn't believe it when I saw it coming."

The van missed the neighbor's house but struck an SUV parked out front. It then careened into the yard and took out much of the railing and furniture on the patio there, Green said.

That may have slowed the van, but it didn't stop until it hit the side of Gilbert and Rosita Nelson's home next door, buckling the floor and pushing in the bedroom wall.

"It's a miracle that the lady next door, who is elderly, wasn't on the patio at the time," Rosita Nelson said. "She usually sits out there."

At that point Green, who admitted he was stunned, heard screaming.

"At first, I thought it was the neighbor lady. But when I got to the van, I found out it was the driver, who was trying to get out," he said.

"At first, I tried to help her. But when I saw she was completely naked, I just went back in the house and called 911," he added.

"After that, I got a sheet and took it out so she could put it around her."

Rosita Nelson said she was at work at the Dollar Store when her daughter called and told her what had happened.

"At first, I thought she said there was a van at the house," Nelson recalled. "She said, 'No, Mama! There's a van IN the house.' At that point, I ran the whole mile home."

Luckily, Gilbert Nelson, who is recovering from a heart attack and stroke, wasn't home at the time. He was out picking up his granddaughter.

"Usually, he's in the bed about that time," Green said.

Fearful the small house might collapse, police left the U-Haul, which Jenkins said the woman had rented a few days earlier, in the side of the building until it could be shored up. After about 24 hours, it was towed away.

Joyce Ann Herbert of Culpeper was charged with indecent exposure, driving with a suspended license, not wearing a seatbelt and driving without liability insurance, police Sgt. Scott Jenkins said. She was not injured.

Jenkins said Herbert had been discharged from Culpeper Regional Hospital that morning.
"She said she was in a hurry to get home," said investigating Officer Tony Sisk, who noted that Herbert had just left home before the accident happened.

Sisk said he had no idea why Herbert was nude at the time.

He said police officers had gone to Herbert's home to interview her on another occasion and she came to the door without clothes.

The van sustained front-end damage. Nelson said the SUV parked on South East Street was totaled.

The extent of the damage to the house, which Jenkins said is owned by Ronnie Frazier, was still being determined.

Stafford Dominatrix Released From Jail
BY KEITH EPPS

A self-proclaimed dominatrix who spent nearly six years on the run after being indicted in Stafford County is free once again.

Patricia Helen Meehan, 57, who was picked up May 8 at her home in Hagerstown, Md., recently pleaded guilty to two charges in Stafford. She was released after spending several weeks in jail.

Meehan pleaded guilty in Stafford Circuit Court earlier this month to keeping a bawdy place and manufacturing marijuana. She received a total of six years in prison, all of which was suspended.

Two other charges, prostitution and crimes against nature, were dropped.

According to court records, Meehan lived in Aquia Harbour in 2001 when Stafford detectives raided her home and seized numerous bondage devices, whips, sexual aids, client databases and marijuana plants.

Police were notified about Meehan's activities by a family who was considering buying a home on her street.

Detectives learned that Meehan was advertising on the Internet and using the moniker, "Mistress Jesse."

On the Web site, Mistress Jesse said she "loves to control, manipulate and play with submissive men. This is a private home, fully equipped for most kinks and fetishes, can accommodate anything from novice to masochist."

She supposedly charged $275 per hour for each client, the affidavit for a search warrant states.

Meehan was released on a $1,000 bond following her arrest in 2001 and never showed up for trial.

Stafford Detective Dave Wood recently learned that Meehan was living in Maryland under the name of Patricia Noonan.

She was arrested last month and brought to the Rappahannock Regional Jail.

Prosecutor Jim Peterson said he felt justice was served by Meehan's felony conviction.

He said his case had been weakened over the years because authorities no longer had contact with some key witnesses.

Battle of the Anchor Gods

Truth: Media Mavens are hungry: Hungry for the story, hungry for names, and hungry for the exclusive. In recent weeks as the news in Iraq seems to have ceased peaking the public interest, and the biggest national catastrophe revolves around boiling up the next big strategy to export our undocumented population, broadcast giants are turning inward for the a prime time martyr. With dying ratings on the CBS Evening News, it looks like Katie is the next victim.

The Washington Post covered a statement made by Dan Rather, calling CBS out on their anchor-lite version of evening news with Katie Couric. But what is missing from every headline I have seen so far is context. Rather was asked candidly during a radio interview with Chuck Scarborough what he thought of the new evening format. Rather answered equally as candid.

Rather said that he never planned an attack on the "Evening News" or on
Couric,but that he was asked about it by Chuck Scarborough, who has replaced the
deposed Don Imus on morning radio and MSNBC-TV. "He asked me directly what I thought," Rather said. "It is my wont to answer a question directly. It was not planned."

And is he so wrong? In an effort to reformat the evening news

Rather -- who anchored CBS's evening newscast for nearly a quarter-century -- thinks the failure of the "CBS Evening News With Katie Couric" isn't really Couric's fault but Moonves's. The CBS chief decided that to get younger viewers to watch the news, it has to be more fun, more upbeat, more entertaining. In
other words: The news had to stop being the news.

As a young woman involved in media I did not find his tart reference too particularly offensive because the statement was directed toward the production descision to lighten the news format, not Katie herself. However the AWRT, an organisation both Katie and I belong to issued this statement following the Rather comment.

AWRT Statement on Remarks Made by Dan Rather Regarding "CBS Evening News with Katie Couric"

June 13, 2007 (McLean, VA) – American Women in Radio and
Television expresses its deep disappointment in former "CBS Evening News" anchor
Dan Rather's remarks that CBS is "dumbing it down and tarting it up,” referring
to the current "CBS Evening News with Katie Couric."

Stated AWRT President Maria E. Brennan, “It’s surprising – to say the least – to have someone with Mr. Rather’s experience make such deliberately inflammatory remarks about a professional colleague – particularly one with the credibility and
accomplishment of Katie Couric. While Mr. Rather may wish to backtrack on the
sexist nature of his remarks, I can only note that never have I heard the word
'tart' in reference to the male gender."

Concluded Brennan, "Unfortunately Mr. Rather’s views seem far more personal and pejorative in nature than those of a media professional offering an informed analytical view of the content of 'CBS Nightly News.'”

Couric is a lifetime member of AWRT and has been awarded multiple AWRT Gracie Awards in recognition of her significant contributions to electronic media.

But Rather underscores the real atrocity here: (soap box alert) As members of the journalistic community, we should be living up to our role as public educators, we are the one of the final filters for information affecting the public dialogue, and these producers are looking to wage war over a little ego bruising? Seriously!

"We have enormous life-or-death issues and challenges facing us in this country
and the world today," he said. "Everything from the dismantling of civil rights
enforcement within the Justice Department to the war in Iraq to news of secret prisons in Europe and, of course, the next presidential election.

When we have such extensive access to the Internet, to filter our own information, why would our generation turn on the television or read the newspaper to feed into this? I think it says a lot about a generation who proactively seeks to be informed, to become their own editor, and even contribute back to the informational community. Whereas the previously information was absorbed through more passive channels like television or radio. This is not to say that one medium is better than another, but when they are saturated with nonsense, how is a public not turned off by "tarty" news?

"Young people will never watch the news" is as sacrosanct a bromide as "Young people will never read a newspaper."

Is this really a sign-off for evening news?

Broadcast news, and journalism generally, should not be a sedative," Rather said. "It should be a wake-up call."

Jammin

Here it is folks! It was driving me nuts but I had my breakthrough synapse moment - neurons connected- (rare I know!) I remembered the song! Ugh and what a classic it is! Doesn't it just make you wanna grab someone and dance!?!

Those Who Cannot Do, Teach

Former Officer Robs Bank, Caught Easily

WALDORF, Md. (AP) - As bank robbers go, police say this guy was almost as dumb as they come -- and he should have known better.

A man accused of holding up a bank less than a mile from his home, then running out to his own green Honda is a former Prince George's County police officer -- who once worked robbery cases.

Charles County authorities say 43-year-old Vernon Thrift is being held in the county jail pending a bail review hearing Friday. A Prince George's police spokesman says Thrift is no longer employed by the department. Maryland court records show an officer by that name working on Prince George's cases at least as far back as 1992.

Asked to rank the caper on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most well-planned, a Charles sheriff's spokesman gave it ``maybe a 2.''
---

Afternoon Delight

Just to make you smile

And Cut

Hailing to the Green and Gold of Patrick Henry High School, it still amazes me what a fantastic education we had, all for the low low price of free as a public school. Among the steller teachers I had, one of the most profound, and energetic was Mrs. Mary Baldwin.

Known to be one of the most passionate educators I have ever seen, she would take us on her daily caffinated adventures inside the ages of art, from a cave painting in Lascoux to reprodcutions of urnails cleverly renamed fountain as per Marcel Duchamp. Her lectures were performances. Every one of them. But these were not performances to entertain, although it was one of the many side effects. These performances engaged us, pulled us inside the world of the visual image.

On her lecturn, desk rather, she had her prepared lecture, which amounted to her handwritten notes, her typed notes, and three six-inch volumes of the leading art history texts: Gardner, Janson, and Stockstad, rotating them hapazardly to weave together the most inclusive, tightly written script. Each peice was alloted 5 minutes between one of two screens, for which to describe itself to the class. While she narrated her fifty minute production, you tried to write and simultaniously massage your hand to negotiate the information onto your notebook.

On occasion, although very rarely, the word smith found herself speachless. One such lecture involved a misunderstood manic depressive who found his emotions too powerful for this world. He attempted to describe them with a brush and palatte. Baldwin lassoed those raw expressions into a slide show. She did so with the archaic tools she had, two 1950's slide projectors and a tape recorder. But it remains one of the most powerful lectures. I have since tried to recreate it but never found the time. With the help of Youtube I found something similar.

Thank you Mrs. Baldwin.

Woman Whoa-Man

Men have their perks, don't get me wrong. But it's refreshing to pay homage to the cool-kids club every once and awhile!

WASHINGTON (AP) - Nancy Pelosi and Condoleezza Rice have plenty of company.

When it comes to high-powered women, the Washington region leads the country's major metro areas by at least one measure.

A report from the Greater Washington Initiative says the region has the country's highest concentration of female executives.

The region has 14-thousand women in a category that includes chief executives, chief financial officers and executive directors at nonprofits and top government jobs.

The report also predicts that job growth in the private sector will far surpass that of the federal work force by 2012.

(Copyright 2007 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved)

As you already know

My little syntax petpeeve....

There is nothing more patrionizing and absurd than prefacing information with "as you already know." I hate it! If I already know then why are you telling me.

More than likely you are telling me because I don't already know, hense the preface is uneccary.
What is behind that preface is "What I should already know," often accompnied with a tone of arrogance.

This attitude is completely in tote with the humble thanking of "each and every" often employed in speeches. Yet the audience is not null of common sense in that each and everyone can not be thanked on the individual exchange, thus it is absolutely obnoxious to assume that

Splendor in the Grass

Jen Richer, 630 WMAL News

Fairfax Co – The search for greener pastures may be clipped for Fairfax residents as they watch the grass grow chest high inside the medians of their thoroughfares.

With the grass growing as high as five feet in some spots, residents are putting pressure on county officials to hedge the medians. Yet the responsibility to tame the lawn lies with Virginia Department of Transportation.

“It’s really unacceptable; it not only looks bad, but it’s also dangerous.” Gerald E. Connolly (D), chairman of the Fairfax County Board of Supervisors, told 630 WMAL News.

Wedged in the middle of budget crises, VDOT has curbed the maintenance to three times a year to conserve funds. “In the past two years or so, VDOT has been limited the amount of money it has available for maintenance.” Connolly explained.

Many residents are voicing their concern that the county then should step up to the landscaping responsibility.

Gearing up for reelection this fall, Connolly agrees that “something has to be done,” as he has initiated discussions with VDOT, headquartered in Richmond, Va. to resolve the unruly blades.

But when asked if the county should take over the task, Connolly noted, “I suppose the responsibility could be shifted, but again that is a question of money.”

He went on to say, “When it is a state responsibility, let’s make sure the state goes after that responsibility. We already send a lot of money to Richmond.”

But if the lawn is not clipped by September, it may be dangerous for the politicians as well, if the voters are unable to see the campaign posters.

To The Graduates!

This Month has provided cause for celebration for two of my closest friends. Both Aly and Mandy celebrated their graduations.

Some advice -ish from the truthsayer Aaron Karo

-Congratulations, Class of 2007, you're about to get your college degrees! It's been two years since I last offered words of wisdom to our nation's graduating seniors (sorry, Class of 2006, I kinda forgot about you guys). But, as a proud member of the Class of 2001, I now have six years of post-college experience under my belt – and I'm about to drop some knowledge. Your days of frat parties and Facebook are over, and your days of martinis and MySpace are just beginning. Here's what you need to know.

-No matter what amount per month you were originally planning to spend on rent, any apartment you actually like will always cost $200 more than that

-No one in the "real world" has any clue what they're talking about. Seriously, about 99.9% of people are talking completely out of their asses at all times. The successful ones are those that just fake it better than others.

-The more hours your friends work, the more they'll lie about how much they love their job.

-Twenty-two-year-old girls and twenty-eight-year-old guys are roughly equivalent in maturity level.

-A college degree doesn't carry as many expectations as it used to. For example, Bank of America's CampusEdge Checking program offers free checking while you're a student for five years – ostensibly implying that most of us are too fucking stupid to graduate in four.

-It turns out that attempting to cleanse ping-pong balls by repeatedly dipping them into the same cup of tepid water is not hygienic.

-If you plan to rage during the week like you used to in college, try to remember that the people partying alongside you now are actors, comedians, and the unemployed. They don't have to get up in the morning. You'll be the one vomiting in the office bathroom then trying to play it off to your boss by saying, "I'm fine… must have had a bad spreadsheet or something."

-No matter how old you are, if you're at a party and two of your friends start hooking up in another room, knocking on the door and/or listening in are both always completely acceptable.

-I believe that the transition from college to actual society takes about a year. The first six months are the hardest, at least until you stop thinking your roommate is playing a prank on you every morning when your alarm goes off at 7am for work. The second six months, you start to get your bearings – you figure out how often you can realistically rage and become resigned to the fact that, in the real world, your monthly cable and Internet bill will always cost way more than seems reasonable. And by the time the class above you graduates, and you realize in talking with them how much you've learned over the past year, that's when the transition is officially complete. So, Class of 2007, the clock is ticking. Your one-year grace period is about to begin. Be dumb. Waste money. Get drunk. Slack off. Have fun. All the graduates that came before you are watching. Make us proud.

-First show of the summer! I'm performing this Thursday in Los Angeles. Click here for details.

-As always, here are some random things I've been ruminating about lately…

-How come on TV when the character wants to conceal a gun, he always either puts it down the back of his pants or down the front of his pants? I'm no Jack Bauer, but those two spots definitely make my list of "Last places I would ever put a gun."

-Also, do you think that when a show requires there to be pictures of one of the characters when they're younger, they use actual baby pictures of the actor? Can you imagine showing up at your parents' house like, "Maaaaa, where's my Bar Mitzvah album? In the next episode of 'Heroes' they need a picture of me when I'm thirteen. Don't worry Mom, I'll bring it back."?

-I've noticed lately that on TV they'll not only bleep out a curse word, but also blur out the person's mouth who's saying it. Though when the gun that the character is carrying in his pants accidentally goes off, I can pretty much deduce what he's screaming anyway.

-At the same time that censorship of TV shows is growing, it seems as if TV commercials can pretty much say whatever the hell they want. Some of my favorites: the Puffs commercial that claims their tissues have a "magical layer" (misleading); the Glad commercial that shows plastic bags dropping from the ceiling in an airplane instead of oxygen masks (unsafe); the Coors Light commercial that shows track and field superstar Michael Johnson racing to a bar to hit on chicks (inappropriate); the commercial for Southern California casino Pechanga that shows a guy stuck in traffic daydreaming and then being served a cocktail while driving (illegal); and, probably my favorite, the commercial for car-buying web site Vehix.com where a bunch of teenagers stop at a light, get out of the car while it's still running, do a Chinese fire drill, get back in, then make a left into the intersection without even signaling (just plain ridiculous).
-At this point, most college seniors have been through rounds of job interviews that often feature brain teasers about hypothetical situations that are meant to test critical thinking. To me, there's only one brain teaser that counts: if the cops or the administration are about to discover your fraternity hazing its pledges – who are half-naked and covered in dog food – what to do you do? Think about it… Answer: Tell every brother present to quickly get half-naked and cover themselves in dog food, too. Then you can pass the festivities off as a house-wide event and not hazing. Foolproof, right? And to think I only had four years of CampusEdge Checking.
-And, finally, this is also the time of year for grad school graduation. For business students, it is a bittersweet time, as two years of sitting on their asses doing jack shit is coming to a close. For law students, it is more of an exciting time, as three years of torture have hopefully resulted in a high-paying job (and usually the first real job they've ever had). And for med students, four years of being shit on and crushed with debt gives way to, well, four more years of pretty much the same thing. But the difference between college graduates and grad school graduates is that the latter don't get a grace period. If you're an MBA, you should know how much rent and cable is gonna run you. If you're a JD, you should know that showing up half-drunk and vomiting in the office could get you disbarred. And if you're an MD, you should know that dipping ping-pong balls into a cup of tepid water is not hygienic (though you probably shouldn't be playing beirut anyway). Then again, what do I know? After all, 99.9% of people in the world talk completely out of their asses – I could just be faking it. Fuck me.

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

As we gear up for a tribute to American Soldiers - and an excuse to kick back, bar-b-que and guzzle beer remember to sleep safely! I love it!

W.Va. man sleeps through gunshot to head, notices blood when he wakes

HUNTINGTON, W.Va. - Michael Lusher apparently is a sound sleeper.

A small-caliber bullet struck the 37-year-old Huntington man in the head as he slept Sunday morning, but he didn't realize it until he awoke nearly four hours later and noticed blood coming from his head, said Cpl. R.H. McQuaid of the Cabell County Sheriff's Department.

The bullet that struck him was one of five that someone sprayed across his mobile home and truck in Huntington's Altizer neighborhood at about 4:20 a.m.

Sunday, McQuaid said. The one the struck Lusher apparently lost velocity as it traveled through two walls."We're just glad he didn't suffer any life-threatening injuries with a head wound, " he said.Lusher came home from a night on the town about an hour before he was shot while lying in bed, McQuaid said.